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María del Mar Moreno |
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A couple of years ago you said you wanted
to be a bailaora and not get involved in any theater productions. However, you
tested the water with 'Septiembre'
and you must've come to some conclusion, right?
That's how the crisis came about. 'Septiembre' was a show that can be improved
upon in many ways, but at an artistic and personal level there's a María
before and a María after - I'm constantly in search of myself. I'm still
not the María I'd like to be. When you're trying to find yourself you don't
have the balance and stability you'd like. And it's true that since that moment
I'm a little odd but I'm getting closer and closer to my artistic and personal
ideal. It'll probably mean lonely times because being yourself is a risky business.
When I threw myself down on my knees while leaves were falling on me from above,
I wasn't in the theater anymore. When I recount that moment it stirs a deep emotion.
(She stops speaking, unable to continue, holding back tears). It was like
a religious experience. And that night I fell sick. I hit rock bottom in every
sense. From that moment on I started to become the person I always wanted to be.
Who do you want to be? I mean professionally - we can leave the personal
side...
No, it doesn't matter. Maybe it's a defect, but as a professional, on the one
hand, I have to be indifferent to everything that happens to me; but as an artist
on the other hand, I try and allow my personal experiences to filter through into
my work. And my vehicle for expressing my inner sentiments is dance, cante, my
hands, my feet, my head. I can't completely isolate María the artist from
María the person. In other aspects I can because I'm not a narcissistic,
external artist... internal maybe. María the artist tries to get the person
who's singing for me, playing the guitar, clapping 'palmas', waiting in the wings,
doing my hair, in the front row or behind the camera to say to themselves, "My
God, what happened?" And for that to happen in half a second. The other day
I read something Joaquín Grilo said. He's someone I totally respect - he
said that when he saw himself on video he liked about three minutes of footage
out of two hours. I find the same thing. I see how perfectly this guy was singing,
the way the other was playing, the way they'd done my hair so well... But María,
you're hopeless! I didn't manage to see 'Septiembre' yet, I listened to it without
watching myself. Besides, I didn't need to see the video to know where I have
to work harder: that's all here in my head. There were thirty seconds I'll never
forget - thirty magnificent seconds! That's what I'm looking for. That's what
life's all about, the happy moments come in thirty second bursts.
Do you feel under pressure in this cycle of soul-searching you're going
through?
Life is a constant pressure. And life is beautiful too! That's what makes me
sad. Everything revolves around the fact that the human being doesn't know how
to be happy and doesn't allow others to be happy. If I want others to respect
me, I have to show respect. I can't ask to be respected and at the same time tear
Israel Galván to pieces, for example. If I want people to respect me because
I want to dance to cante flamenco, if I want to round off in my own way... I have
to respect what others do. I'm not saying I have to like everything and get excited
about everything. Does Israel Galván have anything in common with Joaquín
Grilo? Does Belén Maya have anything in common with Manuela
Carrasco? Just because you don't like cheese, it doesn't mean to say cheese
is bad. Just eat ham instead!
Is there pressure on you to create?
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"Yes, a flamenco dancer has the pressure to have a show"
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Yes, you have to have a show. I can't just be María del Mar Moreno...
or even María Moreno. But I think the problem isn't with the powers that
be, it's just me. Often you have to stop and think. With 'Septiembre' I took a
risk that I might or might not be understood, but the one who was dancing was
the real María. We have to try to be ourselves on and off-stage. Maybe
there are twenty people out there who like what you did... Why should all two
thousand people like it? Of course, I like to work. And if I don't have a show
there's a risk I won't have work... That's where the problem really lies. That's
the fear I have, as do many of my contemporaries. You have to get dance in there,
you have to include a keyboard, violins, you have to appear on TV...
And don't you think there should be a balance? Don't you think you could
take your work to the stage without any extra ornamentation?
I'm searching for that balance, and I don't think I'm the only one.
But your approach is popular enough on an international level.
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"And something I don't like is that audiences applaud
everything"
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I feel really good outside of Spain... I think there's room for everyone. The
world's a vast place and there are still many undeveloped places, although what
happens is we all try to go live in the same place. We're afraid of being alone,
we want to be in on the action and we have to do the same as everybody else. I
realize when I go to Paris, say. There are scores of theaters and every one has
something different to offer. And it's a good job. That doesn't mean to say I
watch everything that's on offer. Maybe they'll try and convince me if I let them,
but I've seen a lot of shows - I know I still have a lot to learn, but I'm mature
enough to know what I like and what I don't. And often people try to pull the
wool over your eyes, sometimes they do it because they don't know any other way,
maybe you're taken in because you don't have the experience to see that. The public
isn't stupid. And something I don't like is that audiences applaud everything.
Hypocrisy is my pet hate, I hate pretence, I hate people who try to hide what
they really are. And I'm not saying we should be less polite. I crave people who
give me something real. I don't attend social events and it's a shame because
there are always friends of mine who I like to see, but it often requires a concerted
effort that I just can't deal with. I can't be that facet of the artist. It's
hard for me, I can't help it. I mean I thrive on intelligent, witty conversation,
I love to have a joke, but I don't enjoy myself with people who don't have anything
to say to me.
And what about Jerez?
María del Mar Moreno classes |
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Jerez is tricky. The thing about my town, in general, is that we have to educate
ourselves a little more, learn to study a little more, learn to read a little
more - and that doesn't mean that purity will suffer, far from it. I'll give you
an example. Maybe El
Torta never studied with pen in hand, but to me he's one of the cantaores
who listens, who likes to know... I've seen him blown away by a pianist - and
you don't get more 'gitano' than Juan, nobody's purer than he is. And he has respect
for others. I know a lot of people who don't know how to blow smoke rings, but
man are they amazing people! But it's because they've got substance, and if you
don't have that it doesn't matter if you're a professor or you sing the best bulerías
around. You have to lay the foundations and work on them. I'm talking about learning
respect, looking within, trying to be a better person. If we were all good people,
the world and Jerez de la Frontera would be a better place. I mean Jerez is breathtaking,
just look at all the beautiful people, look at all the talented people, there
are people who are good at selling, the food is fantastic, the drink is too, look
at the weather, the light it has, the orange blossom... Anything wrong with it?
So what's the problem then? The other guy doesn't know how to dance. Sooner or
later it's your turn. Stick to what you're good at, there must be something. Tell
me something nice, make my day.
Now they say the festival should be a 'Festival de cante flamenco'. If it comes
to that it'll end up in a fist-fight. And you're talking to the number 1 fan of
cante. "Because you're in and I'm out." Too many people open their mouths
without thinking. Complain, OK, but know your stuff first. I'm scared I won't
find the strength to avoid falling into that trap, so that I don't get overwhelmed
by frustration or envy or jealousy or fear one day. I'm scared I won't find that
inner peace I need to detach myself from cruelty and evil, and to dance the way
I want, talk the way I want and embrace the way I do... and get angry the way
I do too. Like in '1984' by George Orwell. At the end he wrote he he grew to love
Big Brother. He fought so long but they got the better of him. No, that's not
what I want. I'm scared of life turning dark.
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